**This is Edwards perspective at the end of Twilight as he travels from Fork to Phoenix to be with Bella**
I am a patient “man”.
That hasn’t always been the case.
In my former life, one so distant that it usually seems like a dream, I was in a hurry. In that mist filled memory I had a different name, different goals and I wanted to fight, more than my own life alone, I wanted blood on my hands. My future never included love, women or anything that would draw from my destiny of the gallant and fearless warrior, winning the war, taking the flag. Narcissistic? Possibly. Naive? Without a doubt. Even as those around me started to take ill with an enemy far greater than any German could ever offer I still saw only the battle field. When my father fell victim I swore that I would fight in his name, my focus still clouded in the fantasy that had been fed to me in droves. As my mother began her decent into her irrevocable certainty and my own mortal body started to give out, the bouts of confusion of the reality that I had created started to increase. In my decreasing moments of clarity I started to wonder if I had been wrong. In a whisper of an instant, as my mother took her last breath, as the fever raged strong through my exhausted body, in my last memory of feeling my own beating heart, the realization that I would never know love shattered everything I had ever known.
As an immortal it became a part of me, a truth so strong that no matter how hard they tried, not even the strongest of those that I called family could break that resolve. I was comfortable with that. I had made peace with the demon that had been my last human memory.
Until her.
She had proven me wrong against all of my own will. In an instant she had changed everything that I had convinced myself was my fate. Her touch alone gave me hope that if a chance at heaven was possible it would be one tenth of the feeling. There was no power in existence that would keep me in a world that she didn’t inhabit. And the thought that my mistake, my reaction had endangered her life was almost too much to bear.
I felt my always present patience slipping away as the plane sat motionless on the tarmac, the overhead voice muttering something about a delay. The chatter of the minds of my fellow passengers, the tightly held grip of my father’s hand on my own, the whining of the engines, did nothing to break my focus. Bella. Nothing else.
Minutes felt like hours as my resolve started to slip, my desire to force my way off of the plane, to start running, the need getting more powerful with each tick of the watch the man behind me wore.
“Edward,” I glanced at my father, his voice as clear in my head as if he’d said it out loud. “There is nothing to be done right now. Trust Alice and Jasper, they are her family now as well and will let nothing happen to Bella.” His thought of her name settled me somehow as the plane finally started to taxi.
Ten thousand three hundred thirteen ticks of the watch on the man behind me. My depthless mind was a curse for the first time in my memory, too much space, too many possibilities. As much as it pained me to imagine the possibility that the outcome would be dark, I couldn’t stop the plan from creeping into my vast psyche. Death. There was no other option. The pain alone would be enough to destroy me; the guilt would be an added pleasure. I felt torn, the next chapter of this existence had always been a mystery to me. Carlisle was convinced that there was a heaven for our kind. That we would be reunited in the euphoria of the harps and angles, continue on. I believed that we were damned into obscurity. And if he was correct and Bella died because of my careless emotions than that punishment most certainly did not fit the crime. Maybe “living” would be my just rewards, to spend eternity wrapped in my veil of bitter agony and guilt. Let it become who I was, welcome it gratefully. But I couldn’t even begin to grasp the idea of a world that did not hold her in it somewhere. No, I would take my chances on what lay next. My family would try to stop me of course. Would I be willing to destroy them to achieve my goal? Would I be able to? No. The answer was without question. I would not drag them into my darkness. I would leave them without a word. I couldn’t let myself think of what that would do to them but at that moment I knew that it would be the only course of action. Then thousand three hundred forty three, I let the ticks of the watch fade slightly as I started to fantasize of my brutal demise.
As we started our decent in to Phoenix the pull to know that her heart still beat became a sort of frenzy in my mind, reigniting the thoughts that had receded for a short time. My end was in place, nothing grand or dramatic, no declarations of love screamed from the rooftops before I swooped down and let oblivion do with me as she wished. I would go quietly, in the manner that Carlisle would expect from his son, I would go to the Volturi and just ask. Beg if that is what it came to. It all seemed exactly as it should be. Leave my family with the dignity that they deserved to go on as if I had never existed.
In the same instant the engine breezed to sleep my ruse of a seat belt was off, the nagging feeling that something had changed was stronger than my need for discretion. My father’s tight grip was in place again as he looked straight ahead and shook his head slightly.
“Patience Edward, patience.” His voice was far too calm in my head.
I exited the plane more slowly than I thought possible, all the while my father’s grip held fast on my arm, my brother’s hand on my shoulder casually, no one seeing the truth.
I heard her far before I saw her; Alice’s frantic story flashing in front of my face, Bella, my Bella, my reason to have ever existed at all, face to face with pure evil.
“We tried Edward! We did everything that we thought we could do.” Alice’s terrified voice shook slightly.
“Edward, what is it?” My father
“What happened?” my brother Emmett’s voice encased with the other simultaneously as I froze for a fraction of a second, hearing nothing but the high pitched screech that ripped it’s way from Bella’s throat as James shattered her leg. It could have been seconds or hours, I truly had no way of gauging it; not that time would have any meaning for me anymore. As if a plan had been set in motion decades ago, I felt the hands release me as I walked past Alice, her carefully written directions landing in my hand, determination and purpose in my eyes as my cursory glance of the paper memorized the route, raw fury filling me as I walked out into the heat of the parking garage, stealing the first car that I saw.
As the freeway flew by the vivid scenes played out in my mind’s eye as if stuck on replay. Bella writhing in agony as she begged me not to avenge her, James’ animalistic side overpowering his love of the game as the sweet scent of her blood ran down her head. I pressed down on the accelerator, finding a hint of surprise that it would go any further. I exited the freeway, following Alice’s directions as if I had driven them everyday for years. As I ran a red light the most gut wrenching image of them all hit me again with such force that I actually swerved slightly, Bella’s crumpled body in James’ arms as he drained her of all life and then about three things I was absolutely positive.
First, I had killed Bella as much as if I had done it with my own hands.
Secondly, there was a part of me- and I didn’t know how dominate that part might be- that would spare James no mercy, would slaughter him slowly, painfully, and with such vengeance that it would be a story told in vampire folklore.
And third, I had just been sentenced to death.
