Acid

"Will you come back in a heartbeat?
Don't be confused of what a great thing we can be
We'll take a walk at the same street
Can you tell me how Boston is like without me?"

Perfect lines from a perfect song covers my day today.

I wonder what love really means.
What it should really be composed of.
How living with it should be like.
I wonder if what I am expressing is really love.

I checked on the days when I was happy and those that were not.
I ponder about negligence, sufferings and abuse.
I also reread the sweet lines and revisited the good memories.
And I happen to know where I went wrong.

I give a bit and accepted a lot of things and efforts.
I count on the bad things and forgotten the good ones.
I overpowered and manipulated the other.
I became a parasite.

Hence, I demand so much.
I became uneasy.
I never apologize.
I became weak.

I can not blame anyone, this all on me.
I should not pinpoint on the efforts and might as well do something about it.
But I guess this is not for me.
And I am choosing to forget it all in a snap.

Giving up is easy.
Fighting is no longer an option here.
There are things you need to hold on and those that you let go.
I believe this is not one of those you grasp for so long.

I have learned that love does not really count on longevity.
But it needs time to grow and be nurtured.
It involves sacrifices, misunderstandings and patience.
I learned that even the smallest things matter.

I was afraid to accept those things I can not change.
I am a coward about the truth.
I am a user.
And I should be restarting my life from this day forward.

Woods of Sagada