bazaar

Contentment. It is such a strong and enormous word for every significant human being on the planet.
It is idealistic, imaginative and conquerable. It will take huge amount of strength and time in order to process its system. It will endure plenty struggles and temptations. It will surpass the inevitable. It is possible.

The week had been - ugh!, so tight.
I never did imagine running a 7-day of total weakening days.
Someone I once had my life rotating on went subtle. It was contemplating. It was like a needle pinching in my neck. It was numbing me inside out.
I was just so blessed I was saved by my mighty hero. The other four days of the week was my strength, keeping me away from obscurities and insecurities.
At the end, I realized that the past lingers in the present.
The past can be of help for the present ideas and decisions, that is the most it can do.
The past stays at the past and the present is all that matters now.
Plus some major work-related surprises.
A great but wants-more game.

Life is a matter of choices.
A matter of life and death these choices are.

Hardships.
I want to figure out how it feels like embracing my state right now, with my other significant people.
It doesn't really mean it is a total commitment agenda but the oblivion on putting them together makes me excite at how it looks and feels. I think I deserve this. I deserve better. I owe myself a reward for good relationship. It will be an exact full turn of the wheel - on me engaging the two worlds - but I think it will be extremely fun and fulfilling. I waited a very long time to experience this. I hope it will turn out surprisingly positive.

True Love is a gift.

It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn’t simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn’t used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica’s mind… her mind isn’t very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn’t know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating.
Twilight, Chapter 13, p.271

In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it’s all new to me, that I’m good at it… at being with you…
Twilight, Chapter 14, p.300

POST

Time flies. It flies so high. Like an eagle soaring high in the skies searching for its target, no other species can see it, until it comes near it and the next thing it knew death is coming its way oh so sweet. Time flies higher than any machine-flying vehicle could. But it also flies so fast, leaving the stagnant, worthless and naive. It is so fast that the routines were never felt already. That fast when singing a song could be on short-ways in skipping to get to the next one.

T aking
I mminent
M oments
E xtravagantly

Adore.

Wiseguy just gave me the most beautiful things in the planet. No matter how unworthy, un-trusting, less deserving and ignorant I maybe. He is just so good to me. How can I not be of good credit to him even on simple ways that I can do.? Injustice. A lot of choices, chances. Opportunities strike well, bulls-eyed in my mind, heart but not in my hands. (HAHAHHAHA) Lesson learned :  great things in life are felt not given physically.

Absurd.

Sometimes the most difficult struggle one can ever encounter, is the struggle in conquering yourself.
I have been asking a lot of questions with myself for a few days now, it was as if I just had my adolescence stage. After all these years, how come it's just now, just this week did I happen to feel that I am not doing anything right with my life. Every choice and everything running in my hands were as if ghosts. Things I opt to choose were really insignificant of what I thought few years back reasonable. It is as if I wasn't on my shoes and on my track.

Frailty.

Maybe change do really occur. How come I wasn't able to embrace it whole-heartily? Things were really not just questions, but of course are real substantial force in conquering something different and fragile. It was as if, people think I was on my track back again, but what if, just what if, I really don't belong here. I want to stop wandering and wondering the what ifs, I want to start leaning on my own capabilities without being mindful of being judged. Yet, at the end of the day, it pinches me from within, taking baby steps to the current world and starting a new world would mean a back to zero game. I am just not as strong as an old tree tested by time, I am like some grass withering and grows whenever climate persists.