masochist.

mixed emotions had gone by my sight for the rest of the week.
There were the feet-cramps-stomach ache-over-excitement kind of thing, the painful pricking in my face, the want-a-bottle-of-beer kinda day, the annoyingly nonstop thinking over people and the wish-me-luck and do this do that days. Damn. seems like a month had gone by me men!
Risking made me strive for more hunger. It allows me to think of the premise I'm getting myself in now. A consuming hole which I know I would forever be trapped in. It also opened me to the fact that things just changed and never will I be able to put the puzzle back. I tend to hurt people because of this major RISK I played. At the end, I was defeated. I know that and no matter how hard I'll try and cover that up I'm never going to win. It was never really a question of "did I had it?" coz from the moment it ended I know the answer. Maybe I was just too afraid to admit it but the next days pushed me to accept it.
It was stupidity. It was like risking your life in a battle against a million strong and huge soldiers. But then, I died happily. Risking was always a choice. You never know the consequences it may bring but at least, at its very least YOU'VE TRIED. hahaha.. effort counts right?
I wouldn't stop until my sight becomes blurred.


One thing I'm damn sure of right now. Its that I can't take another heartache to penetrate me again.